Imponderable Questions

• Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
• Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
• Do fish get cramps after eating?
• Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
• Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?
• Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
• Doesn't 'expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
• How come abbreviated is such a long word?
• How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
• How do I set my laser printer on stun?
• How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
• How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
• How does Teflon stick to the pan?
• How is it possible to have a civil war?
• How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?
• If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
• If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him - Is he still wrong?
• If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
• If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
• If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
• If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
• If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
• If God dropped acid, would he see people?
• If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
• If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
• If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn't everyone just move 10 miles away?
• If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
• If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
• If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of the stuff?
• If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
• If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
• If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
• If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
• If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
• If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
• If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
• If you jogged backward . . .would you gain weight?
• If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
• If you're born again, do you have two bellybuttons?
• Is a castrated pig disgruntled?
• Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
• Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
• Is there another word for synonym?
• Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
• What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
• What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
• What was the best thing before sliced bread?
• What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
• What happens when none of your bees wax?
• What's the speed of dark?
• When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss? It sounds like a near hit to me!!
• When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
• When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
• Where are we going? And what's with this handbasket?
• Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
• Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
• Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
• Why are a 'wise man' and a 'wise guy' opposites?
• Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
• Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
• Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?
• Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?
• Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?
• Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
• Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
• Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
• Why do "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
• Why do 'overlook and 'oversee' mean opposite things?
• Why do "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
• Why do they call it a TV set, when you only get one?
• Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
• Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . .write to these people? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail?
• Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?
• Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
• Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?
• Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
• Why do you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?
• Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
• Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
• Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
• Why do 'tug' boats push their barges?
• Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
• Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
• Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
• Why is bra singular and panties plural?
• Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
• Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?
• Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open it's not a door?
• Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
• Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
• Why is phonics not spelled the way it sounds?
• Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
• Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
• Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
• Would a fly without wings be called a walk?